A focus on practice: Accompanying unaccompanied young people

I'm speaking to Sami* on the phone. It's a Saturday and although I don't work on Saturdays, I'm checking in with him. The reason why is Sami has suffered a significant deterioration in health mental health in recent weeks, and because he's 20 and never looked after by the local authority, he doesn't get leaving care support that other refugee children who arrived in the UK do after the age of 18.

Sami has been told that he will be evicted from his studio flat because his landlord is selling the property and it has shaken Sami's sense of stability and security, which we know is so important to refugee young people. He has worked in various jobs for years, but recently he's quit his job as he wants to pursue his own project helping refugee young people through drama, and perhaps to start university.

I've known Sami for 5 months by this time, but this is the first time I've known him through a period of poor mental health. Sami tells me about his mental health difficulties in the past, about the various types of anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication he's been on previously. He explains things 'got pretty dark before' and that he's previously thought about suicide. Refugee young people are remarkably resilient, however its often the case that when one thing comes after another and another, it simply overwhelms a person. Sami is from Iran and his family are at significant risk during the protests, recently he had to send money to pay for his brother's release from prison. This compounds his current problem- where is he going to live and how will he afford it?

Over the space of two weeks I speak to Sami most days, I make referrals for therapeutic support (none successful), I provide information on 24/7 emergency mental health support lines, I make a safety plan with him in case he feels the urge to act on his suicidal thoughts. But most of all, I try to help pulling him through this episode: I provide advice, like a parent or older brother would about working through tough times of life, I try and give him hope. I also provide practical advice: I explain how to get housing support, offer to walk him through the process of how to find a new place to rent here in the UK. After several weeks, Sami manages gets himself through the other side of his period of poor mental health.

Just weeks later, I see Sami at an event he's running for refugee young people, he is amazing. He's charismatic, full of energy, leading and supporting other young people. Its hard to believe this is the same Sami, he's so independent and he's doing so well. This thought scares me a bit, because I know merely weeks ago, he was having suicidal thoughts, not able to function independently. It teaches me however comfortable and well a young person may be, its important to meaningfully check in regularly, as it can change so quickly.

A couple of months later and its our pre-Christmas event. Me, Sami and two others are cooking a biryani for 20 or so youth group members. It is a lot of fun and Sami is arguing about the music we're playing. This time around, it is him giving me advice: he's explaining to me how to add the best flavours to the biryani's I make.

Professor Kohli describes the particular needs of unaccompanied young people who have settled in a new country. We, he explains, need to do two different things at once, operate at two different speeds, different levels, as simultaneously children in migration need two different things from us.

1. Ways of doing

The first Professor Kohli calls 'ways of doing'. We need to be able to provide direction, advice and guidance. Young people need us to be knowledgeable, they need our help to navigate systems and help them through things. In this kind of role, we are more authoritative: we give clear advice and instructions, we operate quickly to get things done, often on behalf as well as together with, our young people. In this role, we are the ones who need to be in control, because our young people will often feel completely out of control about what is happening. So we tell our young people where to go, what to do and say. We give them advice on what they should do and how to do it.

2. Ways of being

The second thing our young people need, is a companion, someone to share experiences with, to speak to and get to know. Professor Kohli says what is essential for refugee young people is to "rediscover the ordinariness of everyday life". These young people's lives of displacement, fear, trauma, have been anything by 'ordinary', by any culture's understanding of the word. We need to help young people to get into the rhythms of everyday life: cooking and eating together, laughing together, spending time with one another, getting to know them. When we do this, we're not "getting things done", we're simply being. We get to know our young people (they also get to know us), we tell stories over coffee. We do not tell our young people what to do, but instead, we mostly listen. We don't work at fast, intense speeds, but instead, we slow down, and this part of our work with young people takes time.

Its both, not one or the other

Professionals working with children and young people often discuss and debate what exactly our role is, which is important and we need to continue to do. I know people who have strong positions on what our role should be, which looks like the approach I first describe. Others, believe our role is as a companion. However, it is both. At one time, I'm working with Sami intensively, acting as 'the controller'; we're speaking about serious issues, I'm assessing risk, writing referrals and giving him advice. I was doing this, because that is what he needed at this time. Just a couple of months later, I acting as a companion: getting to know Sami better, laughing together, bringing the rhythms of everyday life.

When we find ourselves in these different roles, you don't need to second guess what you're doing: we need to be both the companion and the one in control. This is what our unaccompanied young people need from us.

Safeguarding Children in Migration run a training course: accompanying unaccompanied children for professionals working with those in migration. For more information, please click here or contact us on phil@safeguardingchildreninmigration.

*names have been changed to protect confidentiality.